#Get that man some NAP

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Trial

I am back! With another drabble :D @spotaus are you ready friend :3

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As always. No beta. We die in drabble land with these!

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Dust holds unto Nightmare as Error and Dream discuss how to easiest get to the realm of the gods. Something about needing a large enough portal but worrying about the traces that will leave.

Dust isn’t paying it much attention. Why would he when he is holding his baby?

Dust nuzzles Nightmare as Nightmare hums happily to lean into his hold. Very comfortable.

Cross hums “I am honestly shocked Ink didn’t have anything to say about the whole… us holding him and stuff. Normally people who we tell get hung up on that.”

Killer snorts “I don’t think we matter that much to him.” he nods to Ink and Dust follows his sights. Blue and Ink are talking and Ink seems to just be staring at Blue. Now that he thinks about it Ink hadn’t seemed willing to look away from Blue at all and- oh.

Dust tilts his skull “Since when does Ink have a crush on Blue?” he couldn’t remember ever noticing this behaviour in battle “Wait since when can Ink develop feelings without a soul.” Did he gain a soul somehow?

Horror shrugs “Not our problem.”

Killer nods “True! Just means he is willing to help because Blue wants it. Which works for us.”

Nightmare hums as he watches “Good for Blue. He has been interested in Ink for a long time now.”

Dust blinks and looks at Nightmare “You are six. How the hell do you know that for sure?”

Nightmare looks up and tilts his adorable little skull “I used to be an empath? Blue is not subtle with his feelings that he feels. Honestly how dream missed it for so long is what really confuses me.”

Dust hums as he watches the interaction. Yeah now he thinks about it it does make sense with how they acted before.

Cross pulls a face “Damn… Blue needs better taste in man.”

Killer laughs “For real.”

Dust shrugs “He is probably moronsexual.” Which just causes killer to laugh even more and lean against him.

Horror nods and speaks deadpan “A terrible loss. As no one can pick who they find attractive.” Killer gasps between his laughing as Dust just lets the other lean on him.

Nightmare leans a bit closer and pats Killer’s shoulder.

Killer keeps snickering but nuzzles Nightmare “I am okay… I am okay.” more chuckles sneak out.

At least they gods finally decide how they would get to the right realm.

One teleport later and they are in the realm of the gods.

And Dust must admit. It is fucking unreal to see the people you killed in another life as gods. Some very weird DeJa’Vu right there.

Those gods are staring at him. Mostly at Nightmare.

Dust pulls him closer and nuzzles the skull. Let them stare. He will fight all of them before ever letting Nightmare go.

Cross is shadowing him very closely and Killer walks by his side. Both pretty much having the ‘go not even fucking try’ vibe going on around them.

Dream keeps looking anxiously over his shoulder to check on Nightmare too. Blue pulls him along by his arm as Ink remains right by Blue’s side as well. Reaper is leading them through the area towards a large castle.

Dust frowns “What is it with gods and castles?”

Killer snorts “Think he is compensation for something?”

Dust snorts as Cross shoots Killer a glare “Not in front of Nightmare Kill!”

Horror chuckles “He has heard worse when he was an adult.”

Cross sputters “Doesn’t mean we have to continue making comments like it with him near!” he huffs.

Killer laughs.

Dust smiles along with their joking but can’t help but stay focussed on the looks thrown their way. Specifically at Nightmare. Dust rubs Nightmare’s back and spine and Nightmare just leans into his hold. Trusting him with everything that makes Nightmare him.

And Dust will not let anyone harm him ever again.

The rest of the walk is mostly silent but they get to this giant golden hall.

Reaper does most of the talking and Dust isn’t paying nearly enough attention. No the thing he pays attention to is his Nightmare holds unto him tighter. How Nightmare’s soul beat tries to speed up but Dust manages to coax it back to calming down again.

Dust pays attention again as the god version of Asgore speaks “I see.” he leans back “Very small domains compared to what you both did before. Strange choice.”

Dream looks mostly relaxed as he answers “Well it was a lot of pressure! We both want to take it easy and relax for a while. A long while.” And he smiles.

Asgore nods as he taps his chin. Dust can’t help but note he has the same tells as the Asgore he knew. The same behaviour and way of speech. Dust can tell Asgore is thinking about something else than what they are talking about. Asgore is looking thoughtful as he shoots Nightmare looks.

Dust remembers the story of the children and holds Nightmare closer.

Asgore smiles “Interesting that you made four acolytes! Quite the accomplishment.”

Nightmare shoots him a glance before pushing closer to Dust. Dust makes sure his arms are tightly locked around him. His body feels ready. His magic is ready. Dust isn’t even sure for what but Cross explained long ago that their powers work with their instincts.

If his instincts are telling him to be ready he will be ready.

Asgore nods “It can be rather disbalancing.” He looks proud of his word play “To suddenly find yourself weaker and without powers. Making acolytes as a good way to make defences but there are better options.” He smiles and waves a hand out “Your fellow gods!”

Killer snorts and crosses his arms “Nah. Dream already offered this idea but we got this.”

Dust just keeps watching Asgore.

Asgore frowns “You think you four mortals can raise a god? You are mistaken. The best for him would be to reunite with his fellow gods and remain here. Where others cannot easily reach.”

Killer growls but Dream is faster “No! He is happy and safe where he is! He doesn’t need protection from this realm.” He smiles nervously “this is just to make sure everyone knows his new role and position on it.” he smiles brightly. “With that done. It is best we leave again I think. We don’t want to overstay.”

Asgore frowns “It wasn’t arequest or question. He will remain here to relearn his powers the safe way. The way it is intended.”

Reaper frowns “asgore. He isn’t from this realm. You don’t get to decide this over him. This is beyond this universe-”

Asgore glares “I have decided.”

Dust glares and speaks calmly “If you try to steal him from me. I will kill you.”

Silence.

Every god in this hall is quiet.

Asgore laughs loudly “Oh such hubris. You give a mortal just a small powerboost and he thinks he can fight gods.”

Ink and Dream give each other nervous looks. They should know after all. That Dust was able to fight them long before he got this powerboost.

Dust just keeps staring at Asgore “I will kill you.” He turns to Cross “Cross?”

Cross knows and is by his side right away and he carefully hands Nightmare over to Cross. Nightmare takes  atight hold on Cross but looks nervously back to Dust.

Dust looks at Cross “No one can get him.”

Cross grins and disappears from view.

Dust watches closely as Asgore sits up fully and looks around shocked. As Dust had thought. Cross’s invisibility isn’t as much just invisible but becoming fully unnoticeable from an outside force. Even the gods can’t locate him easily.

Asgore waves out a hand “find hi-”

Dust doesn’t wait and summons a blaster. Aimed at the king of gods.

Once again silence in the hall.

Dust glares “Don’t. Finish. That. Sentence.” He cracks his neck “You want him? either of them?” any of his family? “You will have to go through me first.”

Asgore just looks at the blaster curiously. Still looking bored before focussing on Dust himself. He smirks “Oh I see. You are his first picked acolyte. No wonder you feel as if you stand a chance. You amuse me mortal. Stand down and maybe you will still be allowed to visit your god.”

Dust makes the blaster load magic “Goodbye.” And he shoots.

Asgore sighs and dodges, clearly more out of amusement than actual worry. And the blast misses. That is okay. Dust hadn’t wanted to hit him right away, this is a warning shot.

The blast obliterates the crown and wall behind him. It keeps going and Dust can now see the sky through the other end of the tunnel of destroyed walls.

Asgore looks back before staring at Dust “You should not have been able to destroy that.”

Dust hums and readies another attack.

Something attacks him from the side but Horror is faster and blocks it with his axe before forcing the other god away with a quick move of his arm.

Horror huffs unimpressed as he is clearly ready.

Killer grins widely as he pulls out his knife “You are aware that we were the ones assisting Nightmare way back right? With almost daily fights against Dream, Blue and Ink? You know. Two being gods themselves? Back before we got our powers?” Killer grins widely and leans on Dust’s shoulders. “You really want to challenge our claim over our babybones?”

Asgore readies a bolt of lightning but an arrow hits his hand. Asgore glares over and Dream has another arrow aimed. Dream glares and doesn’t bother to say a word.

Asgore stops and sighs as he rubs his face “This is idiotic. Do you really want a multiple god fight?”

Dust huffs “Then we don’t do that. You vs me.” The implication of the end of the fight is implied. Not that Dust ever plans on honouring it. He fully trusts that if he is about to lose Killer will use his silver tongue to help cheat Dust to victory and Cross and Nightmare will escape with Error’s help.

Dust just needs to distract him.

Asgore frowns “And if you lose?”

Dust shrugs “You prove you would be better at protecting him.” Not that it would matter much.

Asgore laughs and looks amused “and if you win?”

Dust raises a brow “I prove that you are weaker and we are perfectly able to protect Nightmare.”

Not that the end conclusion will be different. The only honourable one amongst them is Cross and Cross is ready to cheat to protect those he cares about.

Asgore laughs and gets ready “Very well. Everyone. Step back.”

Dream shoots him a nervous look “Dust.”

Dust looks at Dream and winks with the eye not in view of Asgore. He glances at Error and dream seems to figure out the actual plan. He still looks unsure but nods and steps back “show him what for.”

Ink grins and cheers “Kick ass! I would be pissed if you can defeat me but not that guy!” he leans towards Blue “Hey Blue? Who was the big goat again and why is he important.”

Blue snorts and laughs as the other gods look insulted.

Dust grins. They should take Ink to places more often, the guy is a riot to have around. Dust walks forwards as the others back up to the side of the hall. Asgore looks smug as he readies his weapon.

Dust takes a deep breathe and lets it out. The electricity in his body and along his mana lines. It is still a lot but it will feel amazing to actually go all out in battle instead of the careful discharges he has done until now.

Asgore attacks with his trident and a bolt of lightning shoots out at him. Dust holds up a hand and lets the lightning strike him headon.

A moment passes. Then the charge turns from the bright cyan to a purple of his own magic as Dust takes the electricity offered to him and makes it his own.

Asgore looks shocked as Dust lets the tiny sparks of lightning go between his phalanges. Dust looks up and hums “spicy.” Then he puts his hand on his blaster. The blaster crackles with magic and electricity as Dust grins “My turn.”

The blaster shoots out the blast, now containing some of Asgore’s own magic and powers.

Asgore dodges again but the damage is much worse than his first blast did. Dust doesn’t bother to turn as he just turns his neck and skull to keep staring at Asgore “You were saying about us being too weak to take on gods?” his blaster loads another attack “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your bullshit.”

Asgore glares but seems to take him more seriously. Good. Dust hates it when others underestimate him.

Asgore throws more lightning and Dust just catches a few more bolts before taking the energy from those. Asgore frowns as he readies his own trident and blocks the blast send his way, even with blocking it still takes a chunk of his HP right out.

Asgore rushes him and Dust starts dodging the attacks. His body moves as he charges electricity to make sure to zap Asgore.

Dust smirks “Fascinating. Isn’t it? Aren’t you supposed to be like. The god of the sky or something? Shouldn’t you be able to handle electricity? Or.” He grabs his shoulders and channels the lightning right into Asgore. Electrocuting him “Or doesn’t lightning fall in your domain after all? just the sky that holds it? aren’t you mad about it? that a lowly mortal can so easily defeat you?” he makes sure to purr his sentence out. Rub extra salt into the wound.

He lets go of the giant and steps back to watch Asgore fall to his knees before him. His HP dangerously low. Dust readies a blaster and aims it at the so called king of gods “Done already?”

Asgore pants and glares at him but mumbles “fine… you win.”

Dust grins more “They can’t hear you…”

Asgore glares more but speaks louder with anger in his voice “Fine. You win. We. We won’t step in.”

Dust watches him before grinning “Much better.” he dispels his blaster and turns away. He hadn’t even needed to summon more than one blaster. Honestly why they called this guy the king of gods is beyond him. Nightmare could have defeated him back when he was still goop.

He joins his mates sides and Killer shoots him a look as he leans close “You look so hot when you fight. I barely could stop myself from throwing myself before you.” he has a grin on his face.

Dust raises a brow “Maybe at home.” For now he looks around and Cross appears. Cross has his own slight blush on his face as he hands Nightmare back before invading Dust’s personal space with a happy hum. Cross nuzzles Dust’s skull and neck with a happy hum.

He whispers “Killer is right… you are so hot when putting people in their place.”

Dust is starting to see a very fun evening ahead of him. A glance at Horror confirms he is three for three and Dust is even more impatient to get home.

Nightmare just looks at him with a grin “Knew you would defeat him easily.”

Error and Reaper talk a bit with Asgore and Dust can see Blue lean closer to Dream in shock “That is acolyte power?”

Dream shrugs “Apparently? I never met an acolyte before. I don’t know their rules.”

Ink meanwhile has wandered over to the destroyed walls as he picks up pieces to look at them. He grins back at Dream and Blue and rushes over before blabbering about how he could use this material and texture for stuff and if he can take it along. Blue shrugs while Dream laughs and tells him to ask the other gods. Ink cheerfully skips over to another god, who backs up from the skeleton, and asks them about the properties and if he can take a piece.

Huh.

Seems like Dust made quite the name for them. Especially with the only other skeletons they know to be gods of dead.

Dust probably made skeletons seem like terrifying creatures at this point. Which honestly? Probably for the best.

They end up leaving soon after. They are offered a meal but they politely decline. Mostly because they promised Life that they would join her for dinner after this trip.

They are walking back towards the spot to make the first one of a series of teleports as Dust hums “that could have gone better.”

Killer laughs “What? Could have finished it in one move or something?”

Dust nudges him “Not that. This was supposed to be a visit to get good standing with them and reintroduce Nightmare. I don’t think that all went well.” He just… the idea of these stupid gods who never helped Nightmare and never supported him taking him away from them? Dust got pissed.

Reaper shrugs “euh. It is fine. You proved that you won’t get scared away by anything and that you got the power to back you up.”

Dream looks worried “It is really fine? They won’t be a problem with Fate or Balance?”

Reaper nods “I am very sure it is safe. They will all prefer to seem like they supported you from the start over admitting you defeated them.”

Error nods “Those gods are obsessed with seeming perfect. They will just say how they were worried you would not be able to handle it and that they tested you. That they went easy to get an idea for your power. That you proved yourself worthy to defend Nightmare.”

Killer frowns “And Fate and Balance will be chill with it?”

Ink shrugs “Not exactly? But they will act that they are and not interfere… They like to appear put together and seem like they know everything. If they admit they didn’t see this coming they will have to admit they are not all knowing and they don’t like that.”

Reaper points at Ink “What he said. They know they won’t be able to just force Nightmare to change domains now without making a mess of a lot of things. And with you guys being more powerful than they probably expected they will be more nervous about stepping in. Even getting hurt or any of you getting one good hit will be a bad look on either of them because they are supposed to be untouchable.” Reaper grins “And you four already proved you aren’t afraid to go on the attack and you won’t be intimidated.”

Cross looks nervous “They already know?”

Dream shakes his skull “Not yet. But this information will spread. And eventually reach them. By then everyone will know about Nightmare’s new role and about what happened. They will be too late to force a change.”

Killer grins “So we are good right? it is over? We will be left alone now?” he looks hopeful.

Reaper shrugs “probably? We can only wait and see.”

Dream nods “I think it is looking good so far! They let me alone as soon as it became obvious everyone knew. I am very hopeful for this.”

Dust hopes it really is that easy.

They get to Life’s domain and are welcomed to the table which is covered with all kinds of delicious food. Dust relaxes in the safe area and helps Nightmare select some things to eat.

The meeting with reasonable well. Now there is just one meeting left to do and get over with. At least that should not get as aggressive. The council is never known to throw punches before talking after all.

*------------------------------------*

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[ballad-of-the-lamb]

Loving the names of your followers so far. Keep them coming

these are the village members i've drawn so far with their ingame names that are not their canon names but i do think it'd be funny if they were

[yuseirra]

Already lost my keys to the door wide shut  Only had one wish  Now it's never gonna come true! Trapped in time, forever in remorse  How could I ever be in peace when nothing else matters to me? 

[fatedroses]

One single fancy man gets home and wonders why his allies are still awake so goddamn late.

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Sun is a lil bit of a klutz, huh?

Baking offerings for the old ones. More Sun fluff? to make up for the angst

[lavenoon]

Sharing the blanket <3

@naffeclipse I continue keeping the bounty hunter out of trouble by sleeping on him and I will not apologize

*self insert is not a girl (he/ she)

og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!

[perilegs]

my sweet little baby man is no longer with us

[baeshijima]

IM FREE FROM ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE REST OF 2024

[taub-truther]

MORE TAUB COCK SHAME

[velvetwyrms]

A very silly continuation of my earlier Moony post as it's a full moon.

Feel less chompy soon remy <3

honourable mentions: @black-occamy @celestemagnoliathewriter @in-love-with-remus-lupin @moonysdora

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 6, day 12

New material! Nacre this time, better known as mother-of-pearl :)

I'm sure I can find a good use for this somewhere :D

[thedogtorwho]

🎵 Got the whole town lighting up dynamite! 🎵

Been wanting to draw some fan art of Dr Darling recently and couldn't decide one, so it became four drawings. 😂

[wakandas-vibranium]

If y’all on Twitter don’t shut the fuck up about Chris Evans…all on that bird app crying and shit like omg y’all don’t know that man personally and you never will!! These parasocial relationships are scary as fuck 😭😭

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte’s Drama CD: Track One, Prologue

Since I got the Comte drama CD and there’s nobody around to stop me from inflicting that on everyone else, it’s time.

The premise of the entire recording is that MC and Comte spend a day together, so it’s basically Comte non-stop simping for nearly an hour. As you can imagine, I had an excellent time and I hope you will too.

I will say I did enjoy a few of the tracks more than others, only because he’s the most dramatic man alive and I love him. His head is empty and he’s the only one for me!!! More seriously though, there are also a lot of sweet moments that really speak to how vulnerable and real he is with her--and I’m always really drawn to that duality in him. Yes we all mask the true nature of who we are to a degree, but I think there is something to be said for the effort he makes to be honest with her; especially considering how deeply rooted that instinct to conceal is for him.

Without further ado, I will go through each track with little snippets of actual dialogue in the CD. Please note again, I am by no means a professional or a perfect translator; I’m just too obsessed to be stopped. 

The rest is under the cut to avoid spoilers, also because it’s long meta/squealing fest:

So the first track is called “Prologue” and as you can imagine it is exactly as it sounds. There really isn’t a whole lot to this one, as he basically recaps all the things we learn in his main story route. I do want to comment mostly on the beginning and the end of it though, since it’s exceedingly cute and makes me want to kiss him.

His spoken lines at the beginning are as follows:

So this is where you were. Were you looking at the moon from the balcony?

…Indeed, it’s true. It’s hard not to be captivated by such a beautiful crescent moon.

Usually it would be time to go to bed, but it’s such a lovely moonlit night. Let’s stay up a little late tonight.

We could have a glass of wine, or play a game? What would you prefer?

...huh? You want me to tell you a story?

Like. There are so many moving parts here, I don’t even know where to begin. The fact that he’s always seeking her presence (this can easily be corroborated by dozens of event stories). The way that he’s also drawn to the moon, the little silence there speaks to his thoughtfulness and musings of his own that are unknown to us. What does it evoke for him? Is he, too, reminded of the night they first met (hoping MC is thinking of the same)? Can you tell the thought alone is killing me?

The fact that he wants to spend that time with her, lingering beside her and unwilling to part. The way he always gives her a choice, always wants to know what she wants too. The audible surprise when he’s like ????? Storytime? And mind you I don’t think it’s because he thinks it’s immature, rather that he wasn’t expecting it. In a life surrounded by people--both purebloods and humans alike--that are entertained by so little, it’s heart-warming to be with someone who looks for something deeper, something closer to the soul. That, in a way, she’s asking for the gifts of his mind and voice, two things entirely unique to him.

I weep.

He goes on to say:

(his laughter SOBS) That’s a very sweet request…not at all, of course I don’t mind. 

I am neither a playwright, nor a novelist. I don’t know if I can tell a good story.

I hope I can fulfill my princess’ expectations.

…Hm, what should I talk about?

Well then…what about a man who lives forever?

So many things going on here, and no I will not remove my commentary because it’s essential to recreating the experience for the poor souls who will never hear the majesty of his seiyuu’s acting. Truly Horie-san exists to bring Comte to life and I hope he knows I owe him a blood debt.

ANYWHO so like. The way he’s delighted to indulge her (screaming and crying and throwing up why is he so cute??????). But not only that, the self-conscious bent of how he says “I don’t know if I can tell a good story.” I feel like it’s easy to forget that Comte is very much the type of person who prefers to blend into the background; he doesn’t seem to like or be in the habit of drawing a great deal of attention. He likes MC’s attention but I think that’s not really comparable, he’s very specific about who he shares himself with/seeks attention from.

Also I will say. I’ve never really been the type to like the term of endearment “princess” (he literally says hime in the CD) but. Because it is Comte and his adorable face that I want to squish between my hands, I will allow it. He’s a silly goose and he’s more than enough, I love him sm.

Following that he goes into his life up to that point, and because a lot of it is a bit repetitive I might leave bits and pieces out. I do want to highlight a few lines--mostly because they give insight into his character construction that might not have been as obvious in the main story.

A long time ago, so far away that even memories can grow dim…a man was born into a certain aristocratic family.

The family had a great secret. They weren’t human--they were pureblood vampires.

A person who was born with the promise of eternal life.

A person who had the capacity to pursue every pleasure in this world forever.

…But there are always two sides to everything.

…The endless life was, in other words, a prison made of time.

To have met and parted countless times with his loved ones,

The man’s chest ached with loneliness, overwrought by the emptiness.

He had no choice but to watch the world pass him by in endless hours.

I think there is. Something so haunted and fascinating in the words “But there are always two sides to everything.” Even more so because in his literal main story, he openly says “The brighter the light, the deeper the shadows”; always returning to this idea that all things in life are dual in nature. For all that you see one quality, the opposite exists as well. Interesting too because I feel like it explains a lot of his deep-seated anxieties about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Where love exists, loss exists as well. Where joy exists, so does pain. Where fulfillment is possible, so is emptiness. I think it makes a lot of sense that, when you live in an endless expanse of time, perhaps the scariest aspect of it is the constant fluctuation and change. Life is fun when things are going well, but what happens when the painful parts stretch so long? How do you cope?

Just things that keep me up at night yk.

I also think it’s fascinating the way he speaks about his immortality. In Leonardo, we see him address it as something that is monstrous and unnatural. He feels it is an abomination, something to be rectified or removed, almost. Comte doesn’t seem to share that view entirely. He says “He had no choice but to watch the world pass him by.” The removal of agency here is something that I want to highlight. Leonardo sees immortality and his identity as something that has to be reviled; there is a self-retaliatory nature to it in my view. Since he can’t fight against it, he fights against himself. Comte’s words speak more to dissociative terror; to force disconnection from your own body/mind because the pain of your entrapment or the threat to your life is so great. And tbh it’s brilliantly tied back to his lifestyle.

Comte uses the repercussions of his trauma two-fold. To seek out parties and novelties on one level expertly cloaks him in the mien of someone who is a devil-may-care product of overwhelmingly sustained privilege. But on another, I think it’s reasonable to argue that he seeks these things out with two other motives in mind; protection and grounding. He openly tells MC that his greater motive in attending parties is to seek out information to understand who to support on the world stage. This tells us that he does operate on a political level, if only to ensure the safety of his family--but I suspect it is also his way of moving the tides of fate around him in more benevolent directions. Furthermore, keeping himself engaged in something ensures that he is not left alone with his thoughts for too long and keeps him rooted in the present moment, something he also admits to struggling with. (And is a core feature of more extreme dissociation, the endless struggle to live in the present moment.)

I suppose I’m just incredibly interested in the way Leonardo regards himself with such self-hatred and revulsion, where Comte just seems so…removed. Not that Comte is empty of self-contempt, only that it does not feel quite as charged as Leonardo’s. I guess for me it more evokes the image of a child locking himself in a secret hideaway. Where Leonardo lashes out, Comte is the opposite; he retreats/hides. The only time he chooses to fight is when he’s protecting someone else (screams and cries, pls don’t get me started on his righteous fury I could go on for years, every time I remember Jeanne’s rt I’m 👌🏼 close to sobbing).

I also still don’t know how to reconcile the fact that his room is deadass filled with hourglasses (bruh), yet he says “…The endless life was, in other words, a prison made of time.” Like. Something something is his room considered the prison made of time ????? Because if that’s the case my god I’m throwing them all out. Then again it could be his attempt at controlling that which he fears, which I can respect considering I too delude myself into thinking I can control shit I can’t to face the impossibilities of the universe…

After that, Comte starts to explain the agreement he and Vlad made. Honestly it really is a summary for the most part, but there is a section I find worth discussing:

They wanted to create a person who would not die, and would continue to shine with their unique talents.

Without realizing how arrogant it was, they tried to find meaning in this life lived forever.

But…it didn’t go well.

Until there was a sizable rift between the old friends--and they parted ways.

They both loved humans, and worried about their future…they should have felt the same way.

…regardless, all that was left was a door that could cross time and space freely.

What I find interesting about all this is how Comte processes the conflict that transpired between them. Granted there is always the possibility that he’s not addressing everything he’s feeling (the man is REPRESSED) but there’s something that stands out to me when he says “they should have felt the same way.” I feel like when people have a fight with someone they tend to be pretty preoccupied that the other side was wrong; Vlad certainly is desperate to prove he was in the “right.” Comte doesn’t seem interested in that at all. He seems more confused, as if he simply doesn’t understand who Vlad is anymore. Like he doesn’t recognize the person who once cherished human life as much as he did (which I do have some contention with; I’m really not sure Vlad ever did love humanity the way Comte did. Perhaps Comte had believed it was so because he so deeply wished to have friend to comfort and understand him in his pain). I don’t think it’s that Vlad isn’t capable of caring about humans, more that--following the massacre of his clan at the very least--he has too great an interest in retaliation to be able to interact with them without power abuse happening.

I do say this fully understanding that Vlad probably saw some fked up shit, I’m just saying objectively the man sees humanity in an adversarial lens, an oppositional force. Comte tends to be more neutral/positive; he’s more interested in working to a common goal and identifies more closely with them psychologically speaking.

I also find it interesting he says their goal was “arrogant.” Recently I’ve been thinking about the complexities of arrogance. I think it can be easy to oversimplify it as shallow motives that are only focused on self-aggrandizement, but I think it can develop in even more complex situations--often with the best of intentions. I think Comte is trying to say that, while they wanted to preserve lives that were inspiring and uplifting to others, there is folly in the idea that only a few people can manage that. 

People and life in general are multi-faceted things; so many influences and variables act upon them. It is more sustainable to be a single unit of immovable, radical mindfulness and extend that outwards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people working together to achieve that goal, only that the responsibility for changing the world can’t fall on a handful of shoulders. It requires everyone to care and think more critically about their behavior, with the help of the people around them (ideally). There is arrogance in the belief that they had control over the fate of the world--an arrogance Vlad will not relinquish, one that continues to get him into trouble and lost him his oldest friend.

Aight and because that’s enough of my brainworms, this track ends with:

And the door brought another important encounter…that’s you. :> 

Now, you know what I mean, don’t you? That’s right…that’s the story until you and I met each other in our destiny. 

But that was only the beginning…now, we move forward together.

Our very sweet, and happy love story.

I just…………like I know I say it over and over again, but the way he just fills me to bursting with uwus. Another important encounter, a life-changing one for him…that a new story is being written, one that they get to write together. That “we move forward together” in a “very sweet, and happy love story.” It’s nearly like a fairy tale but somehow it doesn’t feel contrived or hokey when he says it, it just fills me with warmth. I think I just love that, for all his initial hesitations, he really doesn’t waver when he’s decided on something he wants. And if MC is willing to bet on him, he’s ready to up the ante.

All right well that about sums up track 1, next one to come is track 2! Enjoy these musings until then~

[euclydya]

looking at the past few days like What the fuck was any of that. are we okaaaaay